I Hate the Future Me

I hate hunks, i really do... not that i feel inferior to them, i just think they are so unattractive and ugly. Yesterday at the gym, this hunk had to get totally naked next to me and dry himself slowly... of course i did not give him the satisfaction so i pointed my butt towards him *pui* not everyone goes for hunks ok.

Then why the fuck am i trying so desperately to be one? *scratches head* (then the backside then the balls). Truth be told, my bone structure prohibits me from having the lean and tone look, my bones are like that of dinosaurs' (no kastaway, i mean they are as big as dinosaurs', not as old, asshole).

Like i told Kevin, i feel so hypocritical, becoming someone whom i hate. Why am i bringing this up? It is nothing new but having varied my workout the past week or two, i just found my bicep growing by like 20% in the past 10 days. Its happening a little too quickly and the reality is beginning to sink in, and i'm like constantly questioning my intentions.

I know why i'm doing all these, to be more attractive. But i just don't know if that is a good enough reason or not. Why can't i be of a smaller build? Average build, average height is all good. Big boned and tall, its just so wrong.

At the yong tau hoo stall yesterday, the lady kept asking me to xiao xing, xiao xing, she was afraid i knock my head on her signboard. Stupid signboard, raise it higher lah, all your customers so short meh? What i can't stand is she kept telling her husband how tall i was and in danger of knocking her stupid signboard *roll eyes*.

Oh, then there is this coffee shop we frequent, the guy who collects the money sits below a hanging tv, and everytime after my food is ready, they put it in front of the "cashier" and i will knock my head on the tv rack while paying. You'd think i will be smart enough but i'm not lor, i knocked my head 4 consecutive times despite each time telling myself to pay extra attention to the tv. CCB. Baluku.