Bumped into BoiBoi

Bumped into boiboi from the gaychub irc channel during lunch today, second time in a few months, I think his office is kinda near mine *wonders*

Hmmm… not really bumped into him, I saw him but he did not see me. Like the last time, he just breezed passed me and did not notice. Why leh? Must be because he only has eyes for chubs lor. I sms him like I did the last time and suan him lor, never notice me blah blah blah and like the last time, he called back to ask how things were blah blah blah. I guess I should have stopped him to say hi but that’s an issue which I have with gay friends. When I stop them on the streets, its like how am I going to explain to my colleagues who he is etc, and also for him to explain to his colleagues.

Anyways, I did not know boiboi when I was a chub (actually I was never a chub, but I was on the overweight category). I only got to know him earlier this year, I went into the gaychub irc channel to look for my friend, started chatting with boiboi for a while, found out that he is in the same profession as myself, and so things kind of developed from there. We met for coffee and talked mostly about work.

We kind of lost touch subsequently because I have no real reason to frequent the gaychub irc channel. Anyways, told boiboi we’ll meet next week for lunch (alone) then we can catch up on what’s happening with each other. Looking forward to that.

Anyway, time for me to catch up on news of my profession anyway… am really really angry with my boss this week and I think I want to bail out of here. He sits on a decision for months and suddenly when the topic was brought up, he blamed me in front of everyone for taking so long to implement it. What a mother farking bastard.

When I tried defending myself, he just waved it off and did not see that he was at fault, typical Singaporean, points the finger at others but refuses to admit they are equally at fault. OK, OK, I’m also Singaporean and am guilty of it, but not to this blatant extent.

Essentially working here has lost its meaning, I would like my bosses (I have 2, boss and big boss) to trust me as much as I trust them, but once you break the trust, then there is no reason for loyalty, no basis for a conducive, happy working environment. >:(

Value System

My value system has been questioned the past few days and i don't like the feeling. Firstly, auntie showed me a pic of the target she wants to introduce and i immediately turned her down. She ain't fat but overweight, however from her radiant smile and from what i've heard, i could tell that she has a good personality. Geez, a year back, i would have jumped at the opportunity to meet her, but sadly though, things have changed. In search of that "perfect" partner, i place an emphasis on both personality and looks, ok, i know perfect seems too absolute a word but you get my drift. Sometimes i wonder if all these efforts are being put to waste, perhaps i should just settle for who i can. But no, my friend questioned me last night, will you be happy, and of course the answer was an obvious no :(

This friend of mine has his own problems, he is in the midst of breaking up with his wife. Things haven't really gone well with them for the past few months, and many things already transpired... too many to mention here. The question was raised as to whether if she was to do a 180, whether he will take her back, and his answer was "yes". I challenged him to that, after so many things that have happened, how can you say yes? How can you trust her? How can you forgive her? He said "i can understand where you are coming from but the difference between you and me is that i fear God". And i was thinking like *OUCH* He did not deliberately question my religious beliefs although they are highly questionable. He added "Marriage to me is a covenant, and until otherwise, i am answerable to God for this marriage". Speechless and defeated, i did not argue further because i knew it was futile to challenge such a higher power.

Crash and Burn

Was really frustrated yesterday when i tried putting sitemeter up on the blog. Sitemeter has this auto insertion which did not work because of the changes i made earlier, sitemeter not only failed to successfully insert, it screwed my whole template, so i had to redo the blog over again :(

Anyway, things are back to normal, and now i'm wiser (kept a backup of my template liao). Kastaway was so kind, he offered to help me with my blog problem during his off day tomorrow :O so touched by his gesture. But redoing the blog is simple, i'm going to keep his offer for something much tougher *evil grin*

Was feeling rathered depress earlier today, with the stress of work, diet and workout, i was feeling so sick and tired of everything. I got too many deadlines at work, and shit is still piling up. I was sick of not being able to eat, on this diet, rice, pasta, bread, flour, sugar, noodles, fries. Sick of the thought that the post diet diet i mentioned earlier is just as crappy. Sick of having to stick to a 6-times a week trip to the gym or pool. I decided i was feeling depressed when in the middle of the afternoon, i wanted to light a cigarette, something i have not done for over a year.

Evening came and time to head off to the gym, i refused to but the voice in my head made me go. Lousy workout because my heart's not in it, felt weak, hungry and sickly, decided to leave early. Driving back, i was analysing my situation and thought the best thing i can do now is to get off my diet and workout schedule and go on a short holiday to help me out of this depressed state. Then it dawned on me, i was depressed because my sub-conscious was trying to get me off my diet, it was a plot, a clever one at that. But fortunately (or unfortunately) for me, my conscious mind was able to pick that up. I know this sounds weird and no, i don't suffer from schizophrenia (shut up shut up, leave me alone i'm trying to type something here..... *just kidding*) but once i identified what my mind was trying to do, i countered it with positive thoughts and the depression disappered.

Anyway, i'll have to monitor this over the next few days though, my rational mind tells me i need to remain sane throughout all this :)

Haloscan commenting and trackback have been added to this blog.

Platonic Relationships

What a lazy Saturday i had, i woke up abruptly with cramps in my foot, and they were the weirdest ones i ever gotten. The 4 small toes on my left foot all bent painfully downwards and the muscles around my ankle tighten. Was quite painful but i experienced worse. The worst to date was one where i had to climb 20 floors during a power failure and when i got home, my left thigh muscle cramped up, immediately followed by my left calf, my right calf and my right thigh. My eyes nearly popped out siaz.

Quite pleased with myself having solved the problem with my tag-board. After putting it up, the alignment on the rest of the blog went off. With my limited experience in programming, i managed to figure out which html code i had to modify and things eventually evened out. I'm probably going to feel like an idiot soon because i have a nagging suspicion that there are tools that can help do that but till i find out, i'll just live in the happy thought that i'm not so useless after all. :P

Just read Kastaway's blog, and was sadden how things between him and ger has turned out. As someone who is still largely closeted, I don't have many gay or bi friends, let alone platonic ones with whom i can pour my heart out over gay/bi issues. Which is no wonder why i treasure the friendship i have with Kastaway. Anyway, hope things can work out between them. We all need a little more love in this world.

Weight Loss

What an eventful day... took photos for my dad's office function, went to gnc at 11am to reserve some stuff (today is member's sale after 4pm), went to the gym then back to the office in the afternoon. Big Boss (IT) called me in to assign me some work, then he commented "you lost weight, are you alright?"

Hell yeah, i'm on a diet didn't you know??? On hindsight, i should have told him it was stress then maybe he would ease off a little. Oh well, blame it on my stupidity.

Caught the Finance boss in the lift and he commented how much weight i've loss... he did not ask me if i'm alright because unlike my own big boss *frown*, he knew i was on a diet. "is your diet for health reasons?" *hesitation* and i replied "no, i'm looking for a partner actually". The curt reply i got was "don't bother, better to remain single"..... uh oh, marital problems, i smiled, kept quiet and stared at the lift door.

Honestly though, i think i lost a bit too much weight this past week. My urine tests for ketones have hit a record high indicating major fat burn, the veins in my arms have never been so obvious, and the strange thing is this was the first week where i started cheating on this low carb diet by eating mooncakes :P Go figure.

Anyway, can't stay on this diet for too long so have been planning my post diet diet, doesn't make sense? Sure it does, i can't eat like normal people cos i am a fat collector. So the rest of my life will be a long extended diet, sad isn't it?

After work, went back to gnc to pick up my stuff, geez, i blew $415 on my supplements :( Aiyah, its a sale lah, means i don't need to spend much on supplements over the next 3 to 4 months.

Met my "auntie" colleague for dinner, oh no, she has a new target to introduce to me. She did not know i have a target currently, so this kind of throws things into a bit of disarray. Like being in The Bachelor, i'd hate to choose between 2 people i really like. Anyway, auntie casually asked new target if she was attached, geez, can you be more direct than that? New target said she was not attached and asked auntie if she had someone in mind, and auntie said she will arrange. Wah cheebye, seems like someone's *ahem* consent is missing no? i feel so violated

Haloscan commenting and trackback have been added to this blog.

Virgin Post

Oooooo.... i'm so excited, my virgin post.... and i haven't been a virgin for ages

I really don't know what to say here but i basically blame it on kastaway_83 for this... i enjoy reading his blog so much that i kinda decided to start my own and see how it goes. May last a few days, may last a lifetime... ok i don't think lifetime, but hey, do what you want today and i want to do this today.

Am so glad that i got him to show me some basics last week. Kinda surprised how easy it was to create an account here, and how easy it is to post as well. But all the frills are not there yet, which means i'll bug him again as i go along.